Burude Bhavishya Part 1

This post is the result of joblessness. My take on TV astrologers. Excerpts from a live phone in show.

Anchor: Namaskara vikshkarige. Burude Bhavishyakke swagatha. Nammondige ivathhu poojya gurugaliddhara.

Swami OLU: Om Ganeshaya Namaha.
Namskara. Naanu Oklahoma Laxxxminaraaayannn Ullagaddi(OLU). Naanu heluvantha bhavishya 100% sariyagirutthe.
Nimage trupthi aagalilla andare neevu Consumer Courtge hogabahudhu.

Anchor: Gurugale, ivatthina modalaneya call yaardhu antha nodona. Hello...

Caller1: Hello, namaskara gurugale. Nanna hesaru Srikanth antha. Nanna date of birth 7/8/89. Nanna bhavishya swalpa heli.

OLU: (Looking at his lappy) Srikanth your name will add upto 7 and date of birth will add upto 3. Nodi 7 matte 3 10's compliment alva adakke nimma manassige matthu mindge swalpa clash aagthiratthe.

Caller1: Howdhu...

OLU: Nimma lagnadalli Kethu idaane, adakke neevu Kethu shanti maadisbeku. Guru neecha sthanadalli idaane adakke educationalli swalpa struggle maadbeku. Dina beligge hallujavaaga Om Kethave Namaha antha 108 sarthi helkolli.

Caller1: Thumba thanks.

Caller2: Hello... (echo effect: Hello hello hello).

Anchor: Madam nimma tv volume swalpa kadime maadi.

Caller2: Saar, nanna hesaru Sakamma antha. Huttidha dina gothilla nanna VOICE keli swalpa bhavishya heli.

OLU: (records the voice and feeds it into lappy. Alas his algorithm shows SEGMENTATION FAULT).
(Whispering to anchor) call cut maadi bega...

Anchor: Ohh, Sakamma avarindha bandha kare cut aaythu... Mundhina caller yaaru nodona.

Caller3: Saar, Namaskaara naanu Ashwin antha. DOB 15/12/85.

OLU: Nodi Ashwin, DOB prakaara nimdhu Anuradha nakshatra 2nd paada, adakke nimge 2 paada idhe.

Caller3: Howdhu...

OLU: Nimma lagnadalli guru matthe shani idaare. Olle combination. Neevu film star aagtheera. Aadare budha neecha sthaanadalli idaane. Neevu navagraha photo itkondu pooje maadi. Navagraha andre Sunnu, moonu, venussu alla.
Darshanavaradhu chitra banthalla Navagraha antha, adardhu poster itkond pooje maadi.

Caller3: Thank you.

Anchor: Vikshakare ondhu sanna viraamadhananthara sigona.