Breaking News: (Ad)vani meets (Ad)am.

Both the IPLs viz, Indian Premier League and Indian Political League have come to an end. One had a nailbiting finish while other saw a comprehensive victory for one of the political parties.
A battered and bruised Advani met Golden Player of IPL Adam Gilchrist at a hotel in Hyderabad.
Here goes the conversation between the "Ad"s.

Advani: Congratulations. Did you enjoy Bangalore Beer and Hyderabadi Biryani in the finals?

Adam: Thanks mate, I enjoyed it. At the same time I really feel sorry for you.

Advani: Yes. Sab uparwala ka khel hai. Accha tell me your secret of success. How did you turn the points table around? It's amazing.

Adam: Well mate, we learnt a lot from mistakes which we consistently repeated last season. We dropped Laxman who was looking out of sorts in initial ties. But you were stuck with Ram.

Advani: You mean I should drop myself from the team?

Adam: Don't worry, anyway you are retiring. But Laxman gave his inputs.

Advani: I am happy that the Left parties were routed in Bengal.

Adam: Just like Kolkata Knight Riders. :)

Advani: MNS in Maharashtra hurt us a lot.

Adam: We had no problems with Mumbai Indians.

Advani: Shilpa Shetty's Rajasthan Royals lost badly.

Adam: Just like Vasundhara Raje. Am I right?

Advani: Tell me how did you beat Delhi Daredevils? We didn't even win a seat in Delhi.

Adam: Yup. But Gautam Gambhir(read it as Shiela Dixit for her consistent performance as CM) was the key. Delhi also missed McGrath.

Advani: Just like we missed Pramod Mahajan.

Advani: Kings XI Punjab also lost. Even our alliance with SAD couldn't save us in Punjab.

Adam: Oh... That's SAD mate. KXIP lost because Yuvraj, the key player was not fit. He sustained hell lot of injuries everytime Priety Zinta jumped on Yuvi when KXIP won matches. Bubbles are light but not this Bubbly said Yuvi once to me.

Advani: Hmmm, how about Chennai Super Kings? We virtually have no presence in Tamil Nadu. DMK won handsomely.

Adam: Beating CSK was difficult. Very much. We had good plans for tackling DMK of CSK,
D - Dhoni, M - Matthew Hayden, K - Krishnamachari Srikanth's rubbish.

Advani: We are very happy that we performed well in Karnataka, just like RCB.

Adam: Thats good. But they were dissapointed because Katrina was at the backstage rehersing for closing ceremony. I even heard from Beer Baron Mallya that during the semis against CSK, Virat Kohli and Ross Taylor had a bet that if whoever hits more "DLF maximum" towards Katrina will win 500$. That's why they were attacking Murali and Raina. Unfortunately one of the ball hit Mallya's belly and he started dancing like a bar dancer.

Advani: Nice meeting you mitr(Advani way of saying 'mate'). Thanks for sharing your experience. I will write second volume for my first voluminous book My Country My Life.

Adam: All the best mate. Nice meeting you.

Disclaimer: This post is not meant to hurt anyone or anyone's sentiment.

What if Mayawati becomes PM???!!!

The fate of politicians is sealed in the EVMs. This election has created a lot of hype. Rs. 11000 crore of the bookies is at stake. Few days/weeks ago there was a discussion going on in CNN-IBN which compared Obama and BMW aka Behen MayaWati. What if BMW becomes PM one day? Is it possible? Does she have that appeal?

Here are the excerpts from the interview given by BSP's anonynous spokesperson. (This is hypothetical. There was no interview as such).

Journo: What are the chances of BSP in this election?

Spokesperson: BSP will yammerge as single largest party.


Journo: (WTF)How?

Spokesperson: You see, we have fielded candidates in almost all the constituencies except the ones where our allies are contesting. Number of candidates standing on BSP ticket is more than that of BJP and INC.

Journo: How will that help?

Spokesperson: In most of the constituencies its a triangular contest. If we consider independents then it is n-angular contest. The votes will be split. We have made provisions so that the vote share of independents will be transferred to BSP candidate. Due to low voter turnout we will benefit.

Journo: Isn't it unconstitutional?

Spokesperson: (Swalpa muchkond irthira).

Journo: Will BMW be PM?

Spokesperson: Ofcourse. BSP with the help of secular allies and Left parties i.e the Third Front will form Social Secular Republic Govt. headed by Behenji.

Journo: Sir what is the first priority if you form the govt?

Spokesperson: Our first priority is to collect chanda from people so that Behenji celebrates the formation of govt with a 543 Kg cake.

Journo(thinking): 543??? Oh... understood.

Journo: Sir how will you provide jobs for people in rural areas?

Spokesperson: We will train them to be sculptors.

Journo: Why?

Spokesperson: You see, our second priority is to install life-size statues of Behenji in nook and corner of this country. And we are also installing Elephant statues which is our party symbol and that costs 2 crores each. We need sculptors for that.

Journo: Aren't you wasting people's money?

Spokesperson: This is not people's money. This is money donated by people.

Journo(thinking): Donation or Extortion? Mayawati or Chandawati?

Journo: Sir what constitutional amendments will be done by your govt if voted to power?

Spokesperson: We are thinking of introducing Coalition Govt. Act. The coalition govt once formed will complete its tenure even if the govt is minority and even if some allies withdraw support thus ensuring full term for Behenji.
And to take care of such things, we are planning to introduce new portfolio called Ministry of Coalition Affairs. This law ceases to exist if Behenji is vetoed by the people.

Journo: What will you do to control economic recession? How will you inject liquidity into market?

Spokesperson: Simple, We encourage people not to goto recess room during working hours. We are planning to use a 5 inch needle to inject liquidity. If that is not feasible we will do cloud-seeding so that it rains near market and liquidity is restored. If this also fails we will give ORS to market.

Journo(thinking): If I stay here, I will faint and die. Better to escape from here.

Journo: Thank you for your valuable time sir. We wish you all the best.

Spokesperson: All the best, all the best. Sorry sorry you are welcome.

Journo: Phew!!!!!!!

Disclaimer: The above characters are fictitious. Any resemblance, if at all, is purely coincidental. This post is not meant to hurt anyone or anyone's sentiment. I hope that I won't be sued for this.

It's time for assessment

Yes, it's over. Exams got over last Thursday and I was busy with IEEE GNU/Linux workshop so couldn't blog. Now it's time to assess my performance in exam.

1. Computer Networks: Was easy. Direct questions. Not worried about continuous assessment marks which is above 45 I think. May end up getting A grade.

2. Electrical Engg Materials: We are reading this subject just to finish 16 credits for science electives. I don't want to talk about this. Really horrible. Was sweating bullets after seeing the paper(not only me but all). Nothing came from what I read. Max may end up with A-(thanks to prof for donating marks to everybody).

3. Object Oriented Analysis and Design: Very good paper. Application based. No theory thank god(our class maggus had a weird expression after the exam. Nothing came from the text book they mugged). May end up with A grade max. Unfortunately I heard from maggus that 50 marks came from last year's paper. Ok I didn't expect them to mug question papers.

4. Unix Internals: Can't say whether it was tough or easy. Mixture of theory based and application based questions. Some questions were really good. May end up with A- thanks to low internals.

5. Theory of Computation: My favorite subject. Damn sure this question paper was from our campus. All direct questions. Except for Rice Theorem(actually no one what it is) everything went well. Papers are being corrected by B sec teacher(crazy lady) which another bad news. May endup with A- even with high internals.

Lab exams were good. Expecting A's in them.

Overall Performance: May just get a GPA around 9. Hope profs take care of it. And this time I am expecting better job from ICTS dept and hope they don't scare us by uploading wrong results like they did last time.

I feel sorry for my juniors who should write 6 papers unnecessarily.